Buffy Summers and the Swirling Wormhole of Doom
by ChocoTaco
Summary: In fulfillment of an ancient AU prophecy, Buffy and the rest of the Scoobies are sucked into a wormhole and forced to live in alternate universes. Just randomness and hilarity, plus musicals! [DISCONTINUED]
1. Default Chapter

**A/N: **Welcome to my brainchild. I am writing this because I am having major writer's block with my fanfic Loved and Lost (please read!). So here I am, posting a little parody that occurred to me one night while lying in bed. It shall be a series of blatantly AU parodies, which shall of course include a musical nearly every other chapter. I shall probably be posting irregularly until I have finished LaL, so bear with me!

* * *

Chapter 1: The Saga Begins

Characters  
Buffy  
Giles  
Xander  
Willow  
Faith  
Angel  
Spike  
Oz  
Dawn

Timing: Mid-season 3. Willow is still straight & with Oz, there has been no Willow/Xander stuff yet, and Faith hasn't killed anyone. Oh, and I'm inserting Dawn here because all of the characters remember her being there. Plus, I like to poke fun at her.

* * *

Buffy Summers kicked down the front door of Giles' house. Giles had called her over there. There really wasn't any emergency. Buffy just liked to kick things. Giles emerged from the kitchen, looking disapproving.

"Must you kick down the door every time?" he asked her, annoyed. "I have to repair it nearly every day, and the people at the hardware store are beginning to suspect."

"Sorry," Buffy apologized guiltily. She kicked a nearby lamp table in shame, causing the lamp to fall off and smash on the floor. Giles sighed resignedly. "So anyway, what'd you call me for?"

"Oh, right, um…" Giles hurried to his desk, gesturing for Buffy to follow. He opened up a large dusty book titled _Fanfiction Myths_ to a page somewhere towards the middle. He pointed to a paragraph. "I believe this prophecy is soon going to be fulfilled." He stepped aside to make room for Buffy, who read aloud.

"_Occasionally, when a certain TV show, movie, or book has enough authors writing Alternate Universe fanfiction, the TV show, movie, or book itself will be taken over completely and thrown into a dimension of unlimited Alternate Universe possibilities. This means that the characters of this media form will be forced to live in whatever Alternate Universes choose them. This occurrence may only end when all of the Alternate Universes have been acted out_," Buffy read. "Do you think we're in some sort of alternate universe?"

"Not yet, but I think we may be soon. There has been a multitude of alternate universe fanfiction recently, perhaps enough to begin to fulfill the prophecy," Giles answered. "I think we need a meeting."

Giles walked over to the phone and called all of the Scoobies. I will not include the conversations or details of the activity because they are boring and unnecessary to the plot, not to mention a pain in the arse to write. Once all of the Scooby Gang arrived, they gathered around the living room where Giles and Buffy were.

"So, what's the what?" Xander asked, looking around at his friends. No one responded or even looked at him, because he was unimportant and expendable. He pouted.

"What's going on?" Willow inquired. She was wearing glasses and a pair of overalls that strangely resemble lederhosen. Needless to say, she was feeling especially nerdy that day. Buffy drop-kicked the book across the room to Willow, who caught it.

"There's a prophecy on page 237 that Giles thinks is being fulfilled," Buffy answered. While Willow read the prophecy aloud to everyone, Faith stepped up behind Angel and kissed his neck. Angel looked disturbed and stepped away from her.

"An-an alternate universe?" Willow asked. "What kind of alternate universe?"

"I don't know," Giles replied. "It could be any number of things. Our personalities could be switched, our relationships could be mixed up, there may even be…" he paused here for dramatic effect with a fearful expression, "…musicals."

Everyone in the room exclaimed "_BUM BUM BUMMMM_" in unison.

"Well when's this going to happen?" Spike chimed in.

"I'm really not sure. It could be any min –" Giles was cut off by a very impeccably timed wormhole, which instantly sucked all of the Scoobies into it.

**

* * *

A/N: Short chapter! Review for more!**


	2. Musical the First

**A/N:** Yay! Reviews! Makes me happy!

* * *

The Scooby Gang found themselves plummeting through the wormhole, all different colors rushing around them, though everything was strangely silent. As soon as the gang had finished their group screaming session, everyone looked at Giles.

"What's going on?!" everyone but Giles yelled. Giles looked annoyed.

"_How the bloody hell should I know?!?!!???_"Giles shouted back. His expression changed immediately from anger to confusion. "Where did that come from? Oh no, the wormhole is beginning to affect me already!"

"Well, where do we go from here?" Buffy asked. Suddenly, everyone but Oz, Angel, and Faith burst into son.

Cue background music to "Where Do We Go From Here" from Once More With Feeling

GROUP SING-A-LONG

**BUFFY  
**Where do we go from here?

**WILLOW  
**Where do we go from here?

**BUFFY AND WILLOW  
**We're going to hell and we all can tell-

**SPIKE** _interrupting  
_-That Angel is a queer!

**ANGEL **_speaking  
_HEY!

**BUFFY, WILLOW, AND SPIKE  
**Where do we go from here?

**GILES  
**Nothing 'round here is clear

**XANDER  
**And I am full of fear

**DAWN **_pouting  
_We just might die and I just might cry  
But no one seems to hear

LOOK AT ME!

**GILES, XANDER, AND DAWN  
**Where do we go from here?

**GILES, XANDER, DAWN, BUFFY, WILLOW, AND SPIKE  
**Will we get out of here?

**ANGEL** _pops up holding a piece of toast  
_Butter this. _looks confused_ Stupid wormhole…

**SPIKE  
**I think I need a beer…  
A Miller jug and a frosty mug-

Having had enough, Angel shouted, "ALL RIGHT! That's enough already!"

"What in the hell was that?!" Faith exclaimed.

"Yeah, do tell," Oz interjected. He, Faith, and Angel were looking very confused and frightened, mostly because they weren't in that episode. (**A/N:** Let us conveniently forget that Once More With Feeling did not occur until 3 season after the time frame of this parody, shall we?)

"Oh dear God…" Xander moaned. "It's happening again!"

"No," Giles said, "I think this is just a temporary effect of the wormhole. The same thing that's been making Angel and I act out of character and random." Giles then neglected to take of his glasses and clean them. Everyone gasped.

"You're right," Buffy agreed. "You really are out of character."

Suddenly, everyone found themselves being spat out in different directions.

* * *

Buffy opened her eyes to discover she was on stage at a concert in a very vibrant and hooker-esque ensemble which included platform shoes, a corset, and a miniskirt. Suddenly, a booming voice came over the loudspeaker.

"AND NOW, PRESENTING… THE SPICE GIRLS!"

"Aw, shit…" Buffy muttered under her breath.

* * *

Angel looked around. Same old Buffy's house. He sighed, relieved. He was beginning to think that maybe this whole alternate universe thing wouldn't be so bad after all. That was, until he spotted Spike sitting on the sofa, looking very peculiar indeed. He was wearing a brown suit complete with a tie and suspenders. He was reading an old leather-bound book.

"Uh… Spike?"

Spike looked at Angel.

"Did you say something about a spike, Angel?"

Angel looked confused. Just then, Drusilla walked in. This struck Angel as odd because she hadn't turned to dust from the sunlight.

"Ah," Spike said, snapping his book shut, "there's my favorite Slayer!"

* * *

Xander examined his new surroundings. He was in a dark alley somewhere in the heart of the city. And he was hiding behind a dumpster. This didn't seem promising.

Suddenly, Faith came around the dumpster.

"Sorry about that. Vampires never leave me alone. Now… where were we?"

She grabbed him by the front of the shirt and drew him into a long, passionate kiss. When they pulled apart, Xander simply gaped at her.

_I don't think I want to leave this universe…_ he thought.

* * *

Willow wondered why she was suddenly dancing around a major Sunnydale intersection. She stopped herself and looked around. The city appeared to be on its way to complete ruin. A man cartwheeled past her before bursting into flame.

"Not good! NOT good!"

* * *

Giles looked around him. Everything looked like the way he had left it. The library was still neatly kept and all his things were still there. Though, upon closer inspection, he discovered that all his magical books were gone. He was just about to panic when Buffy entered the library with Willow.

"Ohmigod, I can NOT believe that Angel broke up with me! I thought he _loved_ me!"

"Buffy, have you seen any-" Giles began to ask, but stopped when Buffy arched an eyebrow at him.

"Um… Creepy British Librarian Dude? Do I know you?"

* * *

Spike tried to keep his feet while determining where exactly he had been dumped. It seemed like he was in a small cabin of some sort, and judging by the movement of the floor, he was on a ship. Gathering his wits, he stepped outside of his cabin, whereupon he was greeted by the warm sunlight. He was about to duck back into his cabin when he discovered that, quite pleasantly, he didn't disintegrate under the sun. He strutted around the side of his cabin to the main deck of the ship. Upon looking up he noticed a Jolly Roger waving jauntily above the crow's nest and the holey black sails, and upon looking forward he noticed a grungy and slightly familiar pirate standing before him.

"What are you doing, Spike? We've got work to do. Norrington'll be on us any day!" the Pirate reminded him.

"Bloody hell!" Spike groaned.

* * *

Oz had a disturbed expression fixed on his face and he took in the people around him. He realized that each of them must be the other members of the Scooby Gang, but they did not resemble themselves at all.

(**A/N: **No more here! Don't want to ruin it!)

* * *

Dawn looked around but saw nothing. Complete and total darkness.

* * *

Faith looked down at her hand and nearly threw up. There, on her ring finger, was a plain gold band.

"I'm _married_?!" she looked across the room, where a small infant was crying in its bassinet. "And I have a _kid_?!?!!!??? Oh God, _I'm in hell_!"

**

* * *

A/N: I credit my genius friend Amanda for the "Butter this" line, which, of course, was there to take the place of Spike's "Bugger this" line in the real song. Forgive my cliffies!**


	3. Musical the Second, Part I

**A/N:** Wow! Great feedback, thankies! Oh, and if you're wondering why I included Spike, it's because I am a huge Spike fan. But not as big a Spike fan as my friend Amanda, who is the biggest James Marsters freak you will ever meet!

* * *

At the Spice Girls concert, Buffy was standing nervously onstage. There were millions of screaming fans in the audience before her, and she didn't even know what songs they were going to sing. The announcer continued speaking.

"SKANKY SPICE!" the announcer introduced. Faith stepped forward, dressed in not much more than what looked like a shiny black bra with red rhinestones glued all over the edges and a red sequined miniskirt. She had on black leather high heels that laced all the way up to her knees and went over her fishnet stockings. "WHINY SPICE!" Dawn stepped forward, wearing a frilly pink mini-dress with white lace on the edges. She had on white knee-highs and pink platform Mary Janes (the shoes, not the drug). "WICCA SPICE!" Willow stepped into the spotlight, wearing a black, falsely tattered mini-dress, a rhinestone-encrusted pointed witch's hat, and a sheer purple sash draped around her shoulders. "DITZY SPICE!" Cordelia moved into the spotlight, dressed in a lime green tank top and a hot pink miniskirt, with bright yellow flowers all over them and a pair of outlandishly high banana yellow platform shoes. "AND… SLAYER SPICE!"

Realizing this must be her cue, Buffy hobbled forward. This was quite a task, seeing as her shoes were about ten inches tall. She looked down, examining her outfit. She was wearing a teal corset that was trimmed with purple rhinestones and paired with a matching purple spandex miniskirt. She then realized in horror that Mr. Pointy was contained inside the heel of one of her ridiculously high clear platform shoes. With even more horror, she realized that she was clearly the most important person in the band, because her spot in the hoochie lineup was front and center. As soon as she stepped forward, there was a huge explosion from behind her, with multi-colored fireworks going off. A pounding pop base line began blaring from the speakers, nearly deafening her. Then with more horror than before, she felt herself bursting into song.

(_Cue the background music to "Wannabe" by, who else, The Spice Girls_)

**BUFFY  
**Yo, I'll tell ya what I want, what I really really want

**FAITH  
**So tell me what ya want, what ya really really want

**BUFFY  
**I'll tell ya what I want, what I really really want

**FAITH  
**So tell me what ya want, what ya really really want

**BUFFY  
**I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really really really wanna zigazig ahhh

**DAWN  
**I am a child, I like to whine  
If you really want me, just give me time  
If you don't pay attention, I start to pout  
And then you'll regret… get out, get out, GET OUT!

**WILLOW  
**I'll tell ya what I want, what I really really want

**CORDELIA  
**So tell me what ya want, what ya really really want

**WILLOW  
**I'll tell ya what I want, what I really really want

**CORDELIA  
**So tell me what ya want, what ya really really want

**WILLOW  
**I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really really really wanna zigazig ahhh

**BUFFY  
**If you wanna be my lover, you gotta be dark and cold  
Immortal vampire, never getting old  
If you wanna be my lover, you have got to brood  
I just won't be happy with some normal dude

**FAITH  
**I'm all about one-night-stands, commitment my ass  
I never really learned about morals and class  
You'll be my boytoy, I'll make you shout  
Then when I am done with you I'll kick you out

**DAWN  
**I'll tell ya what I want, what I really really want

**BUFFY  
**So tell me what ya want, what ya really really want

**DAWN  
**I'll tell ya what I want, what I really really want

**BUFFY  
**So tell me what ya want, what ya really really want

**DAWN  
**I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really really really wanna zigazig ahhh

**CORDELIA  
**If you wanna be my lover, you gotta be really hot  
No more guys like Xander, I'm too big a snob  
If you wanna be my lover, buy me lots of stuff  
Your undying devotion, that's just not enough

(_insert musical interlude, because none of them can rap_)

**WILLOW  
**If you wanna be my lover, you gotta be really deep  
Sweet and very cuddly, and just as much a geek  
If you wanna be my lover, don't bug me 'bout my magic  
I will not believe you, isn't it so tragic?

**WILLOW, CORDELIA, FAITH, AND DAWN  
**If you wanna be my lover

**BUFFY  
**You gotta slam, slam, slam, slam

**WILLOW, CORDELIA, FAITH, DAWN, AND BUFFY  
**Slam your body down and wind it all around  
Slam your body down and wind it all around  
Slam your body down and wind it all around

**BUFFY  
**Slam your body down and zigazig ahhh

**WILLOW, CORDELIA, FAITH, DAWN, AND BUFFY  
**If you wanna be my lover!

The song ended, much to Buffy's relief, and everyone cheered. Buffy gave a fake smile and took a bow with the rest of the girls.

"AND NOW…" the announcer boomed again, "…'NYSNC!!!!!!" This statement was followed by more frantic applause as the girls began to file behind the curtain.

Suddenly, Buffy nearly fell off of the stage in shock from seeing something extremely disturbing. There, in the front row of the audience, Giles was jumping up and down, screaming shrilly. He was wearing a white T-shirt that was cut off just below his chest, and the words, "I LOVE 'NSYNC!" were stamped across the front in big bold letters. Now feeling slightly sick to her stomach, Buffy ducked backstage with the rest of the girls. She was just beginning to recover from the trauma when 'NSYNC danced on the stage. With very new members. Buffy's mouth fell wide open.

* * *

**A/N:** Fear my cliffies of doom!!!!!! 


	4. Musical the Second, Part II

**A/N:** Terribly sorry for the delay, people! What with Christmas and all that, and then there was a surprise trip to Disney World! But now I'm updating, so, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

* * *

Buffy looked on with an expression of disgust as the new and not-so-improved 'NSYNC made their way into center stage. Jonathan and Larry were in the back row, because neither of them had very good dancing skills, and they were both background characters who I merely used to fill space. Xander and Angel made up the second row, and Buffy nearly fell over when she saw the huge grin on Angel's face. And the front man of the band was, of course, none other than Spike. The intro to "Tearin' Up My Heart" began to play, and they all burst into a perfectly choreographed dance routine that seemed to involve much air-humping and rump-shaking. Again with the disturbing. As the beginning of the actual singing segment of the song approached, Xander gyrated his way to the front of the formation and began to sing. 

**XANDER  
**It's tearin' up my heart when I'm with you  
And when we are apart I feel it too  
And no matter what I do I feel the pain  
With or without you

**ANGEL **_(dances to the front, begins singing)  
_Buffy…  
Baby, don't you understand  
Why we can't be lovers?  
I'm a boring brooding man  
Don't talk to me, I'm much too dark for you  
Let me go  
I'm so troubled with my soul  
You're too happy for me  
I can't take it any more

**XANDER, ANGEL, SPIKE, JONATHAN, AND LARRY  
**It's tearin' up my heart when I'm with you  
And when we are apart I feel it too  
And no matter what I do I feel the pain  
With or without you

**SPIKE **_(dances his way back to the front)  
_Hooooooh, Drusilla!  
Baby I can't understand

**XANDER, ANGEL, JONATHAN, AND LARRY  
**I can't understand!

**SPIKE  
**What you're trying to tell me  
In the corner of my eye

**XANDER, ANGEL, JONATHAN, AND LARRY  
**Corner of my eye!

**SPIKE  
**Baby I see that you're out of your mind  
But don't go

**XANDER, ANGEL, JONATHAN, AND LARRY  
**Go!

**SPIKE  
**I still love you so  
But you're leaving me  
For some demon, fo sho!  
Ohhhhhhhh!

**XANDER, ANGEL, SPIKE, JONATHAN, AND LARRY  
**It's tearin' up my heart when I'm with you  
And when we are apart I feel it too  
And no matter what I do I feel the pain  
With or without you

**XANDER, SPIKE, JONATHAN, AND LARRY  
**Tearin' up my heart and-

**ANGEL **_(interrupts)  
_SOUL!

**XANDER, SPIKE, JONATHAN, AND LARRY  
**When we're apart I feel it too  
And no matter what I do I feel the pain, with or without you

**XANDER, SPIKE, JONATHAN, AND LARRY  
**Tearin' up my heart and-

**ANGEL **_(interrupts again, screaming)  
_SOUL! Let's not forget that I have one, people! Fear my seething angst!

Not appreciating Angel's improvisational skills, Spike bounded across the stage and punched him in the mouth. Angel covered his freshly bleeding nose with one hand, while throwing a punch at Spike with the other. Spike easily dodged the punch. Seeing the return blow as an invitation to continue the fight, Spike tackled Angel. He pinned him to the stage and proceeded to beat the snot out of him, in every sense of the term. Jonathan gasped. Larry, being gay, smiled as he stared at Spike's butt. Xander tried to break up the fight, but Spike threw him off of the stage and into the audience. More specifically, into Giles' arms, who began shrieking inanely again.

Now having overcome the initial shock of it all, Buffy jumped in between the two of them, now both in vampire face. She pulled them apart with ease, you know, Slayer Strength and all. Angel immediately de-vamped.

"Hey, Buff," Angel greeted, looking her up and down. She noticed that his eyes lingered just a bit too long on her chest. She smacked him upside the head.

"Hey, you, face is up here," she said, glaring. Angel rubbed his head. She suddenly remembered that she was in front of an enormous audience in her lovely hooker-wear, so she scuffled offstage, gesturing for them to follow her.

"So, babe, what's shakin'?" Angel asked once they were safely behind the curtain. He moved next to her and put an arm around her waist. She jumped out of his grasp.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!"

"Huh? What do you mean, sweetcheeks?" Angel said, looking confused and moving closer to her.

"Ugh, get away from me!" she screamed, pushing him away.

"Ooh, a fight, fun!" Spike chuckled, grinning and rubbing his hands together. Buffy giving him a venomous look, and he quickly skittered away. She looked back at Angel.

"But-but you said you loved me!" Angel cried. "We're engaged, remember?" He pointed to her whopping diamond engagement ring.

"What about what you sang about me?" Buffy demanded, shrugging off the whole engagement thing to properly be shocked by later, once everything was sorted out. "I'm too _happy_ for you? Look at this face! This is Buffy being angry. Is this too happy for you, because I'm not feeling too damn happy right now!"

"Oh, come on, princess, you know I didn't mean that. The nice people at the record company write all my lyrics. I have no artistic input in the making of any of the songs. I just sing what they write, and they give me cookies!" Angel put on another extremely uncharacteristic smile and cheerfully withdrew a cookie from his pocket. As he took a bite, his forehead went all wrinkly and his eyes turned yellow and his eyebrows disappeared and his fangs showed themselves. A trickle of blood escaped the corner of his mouth as he chewed, swallowed, then smiled again. "Mmm, blood flavored! Want a bite?"

Buffy scrunched up her nose in repulsion and declined. Deciding that she couldn't take any more of Angel at the moment, she turned 12-inch-heel and fled in the opposite direction. Suddenly, a hand shot out from a janitor's closet, pulled her in, and shut the door behind her. The owner of the hand began to snog her passionately. Buffy shoved the mystery man away and heard a resounding crash as he collapsed into some of the equipment in the closet. She fumbled around on the wall for a while before finding a light switch. Why she didn't just run away again, I do not know. She's Buffy, and she does whatever the crap she wants. Don't ask me to fathom the way a Slayer's mind works. So anyway, blahblahblah, she turned on the light.

"Spike?! HOLY SHI-"

Before Buffy could complete her profanity, Spike had jumped up from the pile of assorted cleaning devices and covered her mouth with his hand.

"What do you think you're doing? Someone'll hear us!"

Buffy pushed him down again, this time into a large bucket of mop water. Spike cursed as he pulled his soaking wet buttocks out of the bucket and stood back up.

"What's going on here?! I'm getting married! Why the hell are you kissing me?!"

Spike patiently took her by the shoulders. "Uh… Buffy? Have you been doing drugs again? I told you to quit buying from that damned dealer down on Faith's corner. It's unhealthy. And not to mention, you keep interfering with Faith's – er – _business_."

"NO! I'm ma-marrying Angel! But you were making out you! And… OH GOD! _I'm having an affair_!"

And with that, Buffy ran screaming out of the broom closet. She had gotten about ten feet when she toppled off of her shoes and smacked to the ground. She ripped her shoes off and continued running barefoot. She ran and ran and didn't stop until she saw Willow behind the soundboard, nuzzling the roadie.

"Willow! Oh thank God!"

Willow and the roadie looked up. Buffy discovered that the roadie was, of course, Oz. Willow smiled, gave Oz a quick kiss on the lips, and joined her best friend.

"Willow, I need some help," Buffy said desperately. She then proceeded to explain in great detail the exact events of the last few chapters. Hopefully, you haven't forgotten them yet. If so, go back and read it because I don't feel like typing it all out. Heehee.

"…so," Buffy continued, "do you think you can help me find this wormhole thingy?"

"Oh, you mean the swirly thing looming sinisterly above the stadium?" Willow asked, pointing up.

"That's it!" Buffy yelled. "But how do I get up there?"

"I can help," Oz said from behind them. Buffy turned to face him. "I can rig up some explosives and launch you up there."

"E-explosives?" Buffy inquired warily. "Sounds dangerous."

Just then, Angel and Spike emerged from two different sides. Each was bearing a bouquet of flowers.

"Buffy!" they both shouted. The saw each other and immediately began to beat each other severely about the head and neck with their flowers. Buffy spun back around.

"Okay, let's do it."

Five minutes later, Angel and Spike were still going at it. In the meantime, Oz had arranged a number of large rockets at the front of the stage, all of which aimed at the wormhole entrance. Buffy sat down on the biggest one, and Oz signaled that he was about to set them off. He pressed the button, and she shot up in the air, leaving a trail of multicolored sparks in her wake. She flew directly into the mouth of the wormhole, safe and sound and just a little bit singed.


	5. The Old Switcheroo, Part I

**A/N:** Sorry about the delay... again... I swear, it's not my fault! School is crazy, and all my friends are going all spazzy... ack... so, forgive me!

Oh, and, just a forewarning, the chapter contains excessive use of shit. Just so you know.

* * *

Buffy looked around. She was back in the wormhole, and she didn't seem to be going anywhere soon.

"Oh joy."

* * *

Angel was in shock. Drusilla was the Slayer… and Spike was her Watcher…?

Drusilla sat down on the sofa next to Spike.

"So, what's the deal, William?"

_Oh dear God… did she just call him William?! _Angel thought as he gaped at her. Deciding that looking at them was just too disturbing, Angel looked down at his feet. He caught a glimpse of the Hawaiian shirt he was wearing.

_HOLY CRAP, I'M THE XANDER!!!!_

While Angel was gawking at his attire, William and Drusilla were still talking.

"Well," William answered Drusilla, "I believe that Star and her gang are quickly gaining power. We must stop them before it's too late."

"Stop them?" Drusilla responded, wide-eyed. "By ourselves?! Their much too strong, they'll overpower us!"

"If we don't do something now, who knows what it could escalate to?" William reasoned.

"I guess…" she conceded. Just as Angel had discovered he had a pulse, Darla walked in.

"Hi guys," Darla greeted, looking cheery. Angel seemed shocked to see her. "What's the what?"

"We going to take on Star and her gang," Drusilla informed her.

"What?!" Darla gasped. "Just us?" Drusilla nodded in response. William, Darla, and Drusilla looked grim. Angel merely looked dim.

"We'll need weapons," William stated. "Also, we'll need stakes, crosses, holy water, the whole enchilada." Angel resisted the urge to snigger at the fact that Spike – er – William – had just used the word enchilada.

Everyone but Angel nodded and set to work gathering things that might be of use in the battle. Angel simply stood there. William paused while sharpening an axe and addressed Angel.

"Angel?" he asked. Angel gave a jolt as if he'd being snapped out of some deep thinking and looked at William. "Aren't you coming?"

"Oh, um, yeah, I'm coming," Angel replied, going to work picking up a large sword and a couple of daggers. He noticed a ring on the coffee table with a tag attached to it that read **PROTECTION CHARM **in big bold letters. He scooped it up and put it on his finger. He wasn't sure who they were about to face, but whoever it was seemed pretty powerful and he wasn't taking any chances. He continued to gather various weapons until everyone was loaded down with all things pointy and lethal. They set off out the door.

* * *

About thirty minutes later, William, Drusilla, Darla, and Angel had reached a remote forest in the outskirts of Sunnydale. The forest was thick with trees and placed strategically behind a cemetery. They silently made their way into the forest just as the sun was beginning to set. Angel followed nervously, wondering what or who he was about to fight. Normally, this wouldn't have been a big deal for him at all, but now he was lacking his vampire powers. He didn't know if he could fight at all.

Finally, they reached a small clearing near the center of the forest. William looked around.

"Hang... hang on, this— this is it. Wait... no... yes!" William exclaimed.

"What are you talking about?" Angel asked, confused.

"The Lair. Star's lair. The door was right here when I saw them…" William said, gesturing to the bare grass and searching the clearing with his sharp blue eyes. Angel looked at him incredulously.

"I don't think so," Angel remarked. Meanwhile, William dropped to his hand and knees, ripping grass up off of the ground frantically.

"OPEN UP! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" William yelled furiously. Looking concerned, Drusilla marched over to him and slapped him across the face, causing him to fall over backwards.

"GET A GRIP!" she yelled at him, rearing back for another slap.

He put his hands on his head, regaining his composure. "Whoa, where did that come from?" he asked himself. He didn't answer.

"Okay," Darla said, walking farther into the clearing, "we know the door is around here somewhere. But whe- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

Before Darla could finish her question, she stepped on a loose patch of grass and fell screaming into a hollow pit below. The remaining three rushed over to the edge of the hole.

"Are you all right?" William called down to her. Darla was laying flat on her back.

"Yes…" she yelled back, groaning as she sat up and dusted herself off. She got gingerly to her feet and took in her surroundings. "I think I found the way in! Come down here!"

Drusilla and William looked at each other, both wondering how the hell they were going to get down there. Suddenly, Angel looked up and pointed.

"Hey look! A conveniently placed plot device- I mean, ladder!" he shouted. He walked across the clearing, picked up the conveniently placed plot device- I mean, ladder, and lowered it into the hole. They all climbed down it.

"Look," Darla said, pointing, "there's a dark, creepy, and narrow tunnel. Let's go!"

"What? Why?" Angel demanded.

"Well, it's obviously the way in," Darla replied.

"How do you know?" Angel retorted.

"Because! It's dark and creepy and sinister-looking! Of course it's the way in!"

Angel shook his head in resignation and followed Darla into the tunnel. They crawled for a very very long distance. Yup. Looooooong distance.

_(please insert montage of the four crawling through various twists and bends in near darkness, Darla looking determined and smug, Angel looking annoyed and doubtful… blahblahblah… humdeedumdum… wooooo… yeahhhhh… montage…)_

Finally, they reached the end of the tunnel. Darla jumped out first, with a very loud splash.

"Shit!" she yelled.

"What?" Angel asked warily. Darla rolled her eyes and pointed to the lower half of her body.

"Shit! I landed in shit!" she complained. Angel poked his head out of the pipe and, sure enough, they had ended up in the sewage system of Sunnydale. Angel burst into laughter.

"HA! I told you! I knew it was the wrong way!" he sniffed the air and gagged. "Ugh, you smell like shit too!" he snorted with amusement suddenly. "DARLA! You're shitfaced!!!"

Angel doubled over in hysterics at his own joke. Unfortunately, (well, unfortunately for him, fortunately for me) he lost his balance and tumbled head first into raw sewage. Now it was Darla's turn to go into hysterics. Angel glared at her and attempted to get the – he'd rather not know – out of his sticky-up hair. In the meantime, William and Drusilla had climbed down the ladder on the side that neither Angel nor Darla seemed to have noticed. Angel waded over to the edge and clambered up onto the concrete, Darla following after him.

"Well, what now?" Drusilla wondered aloud. William looked around.

"Wait a second, what's this?" he said, walking down a ways to a sign stuck to the wall. The sign read **STAR'S GANG HIDEOUT- THIS WAY! **and had an arrow pointing farther into the sewers. "Hmm. Well that's not terribly stealthy of them."

So the proceeded in the direction that the sign pointed, Angel and Darla's clothing and shoes making unpleasant squishing noises all the way. They finally reached a dirt cavern with a sign that said **STAR'S GANG **near the entrance. They ventured on through sharp twists and turns.

"What's that smell?" William asked, looking disgusted.

"Shit!" Angel shouted.

"Ah yes," William said, nodding. "I'd forgotten."

"No!" Angel corrected him. "That was shit as in, 'Oh shit, there's the lair of the big bad!'"

"Oh…" William replied as the hideout came into view around the next corner. He turned to look at the others. "Now listen. This battle isn't going to be easy, and there's a good chance that some of us aren't going to make it. But we have to give it our all beca-"

"Cut the crap, nancyboy," said a voice from behind them. "Are we gonna fight or what?"

* * *

I'm sure you all caught the scene stolen from Something Blue. I hope.


	6. The Old Switcheroo, Part II

**A/N: **Yay! Another update!!!

* * *

The four spun around. There stood Buffy, head to toe in black leather. Angel was dumbstruck.

"Buffy?"

Buffy gave him a look. "What did you call me?"

"Buffy…" Angel answered, "…you're Buffy."

"No, I'm not," Buffy scoffed. "Why would I keep that filthy name? It's silly. It's childish. And most of all, it's weak. I'm Star now."

Angel snorted.

"What?!" Star demanded, seeming insecure.

"Okay, okay, I understand the name changing part, but, I mean, honestly, Star? How do you expect to be taken seriously with a name like Star?!" Angel explained. Star reared back and gave him a good backhand to the side of his head, knocking him off his feet and flat on his back. Then she turned around and looked at Willow, who was standing behind her in long black robes.

"I _told_ you we shouldn't have let Xander pick the name!" Star hissed. "I _told_ you!" Willow shrugged.

Angel pulled himself up from the ground, rubbing his head. "So, what, the two of you are going to fight the four of us?" he goaded.

Willow gave a slight smile and snapped her fingers. Instantly, five people – well, technically, two people, one vampire, one goddess, and one demon – appeared out of thin air: Faith, Oz, Xander, Dawn, and some demon with curly horns and green skin. Dawn was wearing a flowing black gown that matched her now black hair. Xander was wearing a red duster and black jeans. Oz and Faith looked completely unchanged.

"Ugh!" Dawn huffed. "Would you _warn _us before you do that?!"

"Um… Dawn?" Angel ventured, wondering if she had changed her name too. Dawn's eyes glowed red and flames shot up from the ground behind her.

"_YOU DARE ADDRESS THE MOST FEARED HELL GODDESS EVER TO EXIST BY_

_NAME?! I SHALL_… um…" Dawn faltered, the flames receded and her eyes went back to normal. "Um… Willow, what was that hell-goddess-y word you told me to use again?"

"Smite?" Willow offered.

"Oh yeah, that's it!" Dawn remembered. She cleared her throat and her eyes returned to red and the flames came back. "…_I SHALL SMITE THEE!"_

And with that, Dawn extended her hand towards him, sending flames straight at him. Angel dove just in time, hitting the floor as the fire engulfed the chair behind him. Dawn looked annoyed.

"Insolent fool! Now you shall pay!" she raged. She was about to do something promisingly lethal to him when Star spun around.

"NO!" Star yelled. Dawn put on a pissy expression.

"You can't tell me no! You're just a little vampire! I'm a GODDESS!" Dawn shouted.

"Yes, and you're also my little sister, and you have to do as I say," Star reminded her haughtily. "Now, be a good little goddess and keep your flames to yourself." Dawn pouted.

"That's no fair! I wanna kill the funny human!" Dawn whined.

"You will! But you'll just have to wait, we can't kill anyone without a proper fight," Star explained. Dawn folded her arms and turned her face away, causing Star to sigh in resignation. She turned to Angel and muttered, "She's been like this since they kicked her whiny little ass out of her hell dimension…"

"I HEARD THAT!" Dawn screeched. She stormed out of the room, leaving a trail of fire behind her. As Oz was snuggling up next to Willow, Xander and Faith moved forward so that they were even with Star.

"So, uh, Star, when are we gonna eat 'em?" Xander asked nervously. He was continuously fidgeting and his left eye was twitching madly. "Huh? When?? Can we eat them _now_? How about _now_?!"

"Xander! Shut up!" Star commanded, annoyed. "Jeez, if I would've known you were going to be such a blood junkie I would have never turned you. And no we can't eat them yet! We haven't even fought them!"

"But, Star, I'm _starving_! I haven't had a hit- I mean, I haven't fed in days! _Pleeeeeeease _can we eat 'em? _Pleeeeeeeeease_???" Xander begged.

"NO!"

"But I said please!"

"NO!"

"Pretty please?"

"NO!!!"

"Pretty please with sugar on top?"

"_NO!!!_"

"Pretty please with sugar and ice cream and cookies and hot dogs and walnuts and sprinkles and hash browns and Pez and grapes and bananas and baked potatoes and calzones and lamb chops and…"

As Xander was continuing his list, Star rolled her eyes and looked at Faith, who seemed equally annoyed.

"…and meatloaf and Pop Rocks and jelly beans and gummi bears and maple syrup and butter and tacos and egg rolls and peanut butter and…"

"Faith, would you…?"

"…and carrots and ranch dressing and tomato sauce and onion rings and Hershey bars and churros and canapés and pineapple and coconuts and whipped cream and a cherry on top?!!?!!!!?!!?!"

"Gladly," Faith obliged, sounding relieved. She whipped a stake out of her black jean jacket and stabbed it into Xander's heart.

"What? Huh? Can I eat first? Huh? Huh? Huh?" Xander insisted as he fell to a pile of dust on the ground.

"Hurgle garble!" the demon shouted.

"Oh, shut up, Giles," Star ordered.

"Frarma gurbgub ugrumbaraf. Umbrafkargbu arg bumar urgle ugraf gub!" Giles responded. He has a good point, you know.

"What's he saying?" Angel inquired curiously.

"No one really understands him," Star answered. "But he seems to keep threatening to move back to England. He's no good in a fight, but he's kind of nice to have around. You know, as a conversational piece."

"HERBUM FRUBGORN FRAGGLE BURGA!" Giles yelled indignantly.

"Oh, quit bitching and go find Dawn before she incinerates something expensive like last time," Star instructed him. He mumbled under his breath and trudged off in search of Dawn. William saw his chance and took action.

"We're even now, Star," William said, stepping up to the front. He brandished a wooden cross and waved it at Star in a very Wesley-ish manner. Star laughed, walked over to William, plucked the cross up out of his hand, and bopped him with it on the top of his head. "OW!!!!" William wailed. He slapped Star, and she slapped him back, and soon they were engaged in an all out bitch-slap war. Willow rolled her eyes at them.

"Well, I guess we should fight too," Willow suggested. She removed her arms from Oz and went over to Angel. Faith did a series of fancy acrobatic stunts and landed catlike on her feet in front of Drusilla. Oz morphed into his wolfy alter-ego and pounced on Darla.

Willow circled Angel, preparing herself for a fight.

"So, you plan to use your Wicca-good-love-the-earth-women-power powers to bring my demise?" Angel taunted. No sooner had the words left his mouth than Willow gave her finger a little flick and he found himself frozen to the spot, paralyzed.

"That was easy," Willow remarked, closing in on her enemy. She grabbed his arm and twisted his hand backwards, seeing the ring he was wearing. "What's this?"

"Protection… charm…" he sputtered. The spell was making it difficult for him to speak. Willow pulled the ring off his finger and examined it.

She seemed to be fighting back laughter. "This is a mood ring, stupid."

Meanwhile, Faith and Drusilla were exchanging glares.

"So you're the Slayer who went bad?" Drusilla asked, already knowing the answer.

"The very same," Faith smirked. What a stretch. She kicked Drusilla in the head.

Meanwhile, Angel noticed something strange in the next room… it looked sort of like a big swirling vortex sort of thingy. Realizing it must be the wormhole, he struggled to break away from the paralysis spell, but to no avail.

"SPI-WILLIAM!" he yelled. "Heeeelp me!"

William ran over to Angel, with Star in hot pursuit. "PARALYS CAPUTUM, FLECKNARD EFAVAVAN! IYAY AMYAY AKINGMAY UPYAY ANDOMRAY ORDSWAY ATTHAY OUYAY ILLWAY ISTAKEMAY ORFAY AYAY ANCYFAY ATINLAY INCANTATIONYAY!"

Suddenly, Angel emitted a huge puff of smoke that completely engulfed him. When the fog dissipated, it revealed a bunny with spiky hair and an insanely large forehead.

"Oops…" William cringed, looking down at Bunny-Angel. Bunny-Angel squeaked a stream of bunny-profanities at him before hopping off and leaping into the wormhole.

* * *

**A/N: **I hope you all caught on to Spike... um... _William _speaking pig latin up there. For those of you who don't speak pig latin, allow me to translate: I AM MAKING UP RANDOM WORDS THAT YOU WILL MISTAKE FOR A FANCY LATIN INCANTATION!

There you go!


End file.
